Mission Statement (Sort Of)

I’m starting this blog for myself. No one else.

I frankly don’t care if this blog get one hit or eighty-trillion (though that seems unlikely). I can’t afford to go to real therapy, so here’s what’s going to have to do. I’m sure it will help to some extent, but if nothing else, maybe I’ll read these words later and finally wise up.

I’m coming out, and you probably guessed already what my problem is: an eating disorder.

More specifically: ED-NOS, which stands for Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified. It’s where everyone who weighs too much to be given an anorexia diagnosis or doesn’t go through the binge-purge cycle enough times per week gets dumped. It’s in the realm of serious, but not serious enough for the insurance guys, but that’s not the point of this blog.

The point is for me to come out…fully. I’ve never done that before, not even to my family. My family saw one side of my story when they discovered last summer I wasn’t eating at all if I could help it. But, again, that isn’t everything.

I binged in high school and the first half of college. Then, I did a complete 180 and didn’t eat period. My weight soared, then sank. I was never underweight, and even now at my lightest I’ve been since puberty I’m not of a ‘normal  weight’ according to the BMI (though I’m close). Even though I consider myself ‘improved’ from before, I still know in my head I’m antagonizing food as much as I ever did. I know it needs to stop but I don’t know how.

So, I’m taking the words of the exquisite Sun Tzu to heart: “The journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step.” That first step is this post.

Well, here it goes, I guess.